Wednesday, August 29, 2007

Goddamn Idaho...

Well, those moronic Idahoans are at it again. Senator Larry Craig (R-ID) was arrested last month for attempting to solicit sex from an under cover officer in an airport bathroom. Craig, who plead guilty to disorderly conduct, has been followed by rumors of his homosexuality since college. However, he recently stated in a press conference, "I am not gay; I have never been gay."

Why do these Idahoans (they actually call themselves that) keep voting these screwed up men into office? Earlier I mentioned Congressman Bill Sali who apparently doesn't quite understand the First Amendment.

Fuck off Idaho.

Monday, August 20, 2007

The War on Candy

Let's say I am the mayor of a small city and I have a project in mind, to stop people from buying candy because it will make them fat, unhealthy, and unproductive. So I pass an ordinance outlawing candy. Whenever someone is caught with candy they are charged with a crime and taken to jail. Everyone knows that they could go to jail if they are caught with candy, and some people stop eating it altogether. Others, however, love the sweet stuff so much that they will risk going to jail just for a few minutes of pleasure.

Even though candy is no longer produced in the factories of my town, people somehow keep getting it. It appears to be smuggled in from the surrounding cities and towns. We catch maybe 20% of the smugglers, but this isn't enough to stem the tide. The price for a candy bar goes up to $5 as the supply is now constricted, and the suppliers must take the risk of being caught and jailed.

I try to talk some of the neighboring towns into following my lead to outlaw this sugary menace. Some cities comply, further constricting supply and increasing the street price of a candy bar to $10.

My citizens, tired of paying the high prices of smuggled candy begin producing it themselves. However, sometimes there are impurities or poisons inadvertently put in the homemade candy, and this causes an increase in food poisoning in my city, putting more pressure on the hospital.

The city jail is getting full as we keep picking up sugar-heads, so we have to build another to hold all the criminals. When the convicted are released they have a hard time finding jobs (no body wants to hire an ex-con). So they turn to candy to ease their pain. Unemployment is rising, and the economy is suffering while tax revenue falls as the result of so many citizens not working.

I know I can stop this candy epidemic if only I had more law enforcement officers. So I hire more police to root out this evil for good.

I have now continued this fight for 35 long years, spending millions of taxpayer dollars to fight against this scourge of society, but candy eating remains prevalent. The candy producers and smugglers are actually getting better at evading my laws. There is enough supply now to drive the average price of a candy bar down to $3.50. But I know if I continue this fight I will one day win, and eradicate candy once and for all. One might call it a War on Candy, and this is a war we cannot afford to lose.

Thursday, August 16, 2007

Dick Cheney on Iraq - 1994

Quagmire!?!?!? *head explodes*

Tuesday, August 14, 2007

Elements of a Fascist State

Dr. Lawrence Britt, a political scientist, published research on fascism in which he examined the fascist regimes of Hitler, Mussolini, Franco, Suharto and several Latin American regimes. Britt found 14 defining characteristics common to each fascist State:

1. Powerful and Continuing Nationalism - Fascist regimes tend to make constant use of patriotic mottos, slogans, symbols, songs and other paraphernalia. Flags are seen everywhere as are flag symbols on clothing and in public displays.

2. Disdain for the recognition of Human Rights - Because of fear of enemies and the need for security, the people in fascist regimes are persuaded that human rights can be ignored in certain cases because of “need.” The people tend to look the other way or even approve of torture, summary executions, assassinations, long incarceration of prisoners, etc.

3. Identification of Enemies/Scapegoats as a Unifying Cause - The people are rallied into a unifying patriotic frenzy over the need to eliminate a perceived common threat or foe: racial, ethnic or religious minorities; liberals; communists; socialists; terrorists, etc.

4. Supremacy of the Military - Even when there are widespread domestic problems, the military is given a disproportionate amount of government funding, and the domestic agenda is neglected. Soldiers and military are glamorized.

5. Rampant sexism - The government of fascist nations tend to be almost exclusively male-dominated. Under fascist regimes, traditional gender roles are made more rigid. Divorce, abortion and homosexuality are suppressed and the state is represented as the ultimate guardian of the family institution.

6. Controlled Mass Media - Sometimes the media is directly controlled by the government, but in other cases, the media is indirectly controlled by government regulation, or sympathetic media spokespeople and executives. Censorship, especially in war time, is very common.

7. Obsession with National security - Fear is used as a motivational tool by the government over the masses.

8. Religion and Government are intertwined - Government in fascist nations tend to use the most common religion in the nation as a tool to manipulate public opinion. Religious rhetoric and terminology is common from government leaders, even when the major tenets of the religion are diametrically opposed to the government’s policies or actions.

9. Corporate Power is Protected - The industrial and business aristocracy of a fascist nation are often the ones who put the government leaders into power, creating a mutually beneficial business/government relationship and power elite.

10. Labor Power is suppressed - Because the organizing power of labor is the only real threat to a fascist government, labor unions are either eliminated, or are severely restricted.

11. Disdain for Intellectuals and the Arts - Fascist nations tend to promote and tolerate open hostility to higher education, and academia. It is not uncommon for professors and other academics to be censored or even arrested. Free expression in the arts and letters is openly attacked.

12. Obsession with Crime and Punishment - Under fascist regimes, the police are given almost limitless power to enforce laws. The people are often willing to overlook police abuses and even forego civil liberties in the name of patriotism. There is often a national police force with virtually unlimited power in fascist nations.

13. Rampant Cronyism and Corruption - Fascist regimes almost always are governed by groups of friends and associates who appoint each other to government positions and use governmental power and authority to protect their friends from accountability. It is not uncommon in fascist regimes for national resources and even treasures to be appropriated or even outright stolen by government leaders.

14. Fraudulent Elections - Sometimes elections in fascist nations are a complete sham. Other times elections are manipulated by smear campaigns against or even assassinations of opposition candidates, use of legislation to control voting numbers or political district boundaries, and manipulation of the media. Fascist nations also typically use their judiciaries to manipulate or control elections.

Friday, August 10, 2007

Stupid Fucking Idaho

Move over potatoes, Idaho's has a new export: ignorant, intolerant congressmen

Congressman Bill Sali (pictured) opposed the opening of the Senate with a prayer from a Hindu leader. Sali, a Republican from Idaho, had this to say:

“We have not only a Hindu prayer being offered in the Senate, we have a Muslim member of the House of Representatives now, Keith Ellison from Minnesota. Those are changes — and they are not what was envisioned by the Founding Fathers,”

Sali says America was built on Christian principles that were derived from scripture. He believes the only way the United States has been allowed to exist in a world that is so hostile to Christian principles is through “the protective hand of God.”

“You know, the Lord can cause the rain to fall on the just and the unjust alike,” says the Idaho Republican.

According to Congressman Sali, the only way the U.S. can continue to survive is under that protective hand of God. He states when a Hindu prayer is offered, “that’s a different god” and that it “creates problems for the longevity of this country.”

I have sent him an email containing a link to the Bill of Rights. I hope he reads it.

Wednesday, August 8, 2007

O'Reilly Insults Gays... again

Bill O'Reilly makes my day once again with his patented brand of intolerance and text on the side of the screen.

yeah check out FoxAttacks for more hilarious bullshit

Giant Lego Man Befriends Dutch Children

A Giant Lego man has come ashore in the Netherlands. Authorities are amused.

Monday, August 6, 2007

The Hariest Man in China going bald. He's also training for when he will carry the Olympic torch for the 2008 Summer Olympic Games in Beijing.

House Approves Energy Bill

Well chalk one up for mother earth, a new energy efficiency bill has just been passed by the House, 241-172. The bill alots money for the development of alternative fuels and the development of more efficient appliances and buildings.

The House also passed a bill to repeal the $16 billion in tax breaks given to the oil industry in 2005. Some of this money is being redirected into research grants and renewable-fuel projects.

Utilities will be required to make a significant portion of their electricity from renewables such as solar, wind, geothermal, water, etc.

The Bill also calls for the US Government to be carbon neutral by 2050.

Will these measures actually be successful in their aims? We may never know, as our fearless leader President Bush will probably veto it.

Saturday, August 4, 2007


Check out these killer whales.