Thursday, March 27, 2008

Wisdom of Cookies

Yesterday was the monthly birthday lunch here at your local Brain Imaging and Analysis Center, and we were treated to mounds of unexceptional Chinese food. Since the BIAC crew appears to be shrinking, there was much left over, including many fortune cookies.

I got hungry this afternoon and the pile of cookies called my name. They were some of the tastiest fortune cookies I have had (which isn't saying much), so I have decided to heed their wisdom:


You will find your solution where you least expect it.

Awesome, that means I don't have to do anything to get my solution.


You will soon be receiving sound spoken advice. Listen!

Ah, could this be said solution? If so, I am now expecting it...but I still do not know "where" it will come from, so I think I'm still good.


Life is a series of choices. Today yours are good ones.

I choose to eat another cookie.


You'll accomplish more later if you have a little fun this weekend.

Aha! Success! Permission to use mind-altering substances granted!


As I am actually looking for direction in life, I hope that my faith in small slips of paper encased by second-rate baked goods is not misplaced.

Wednesday, March 26, 2008

I Should Be on the Supreme Court

Because I figured out the Second Amendment:

A well regulated militia, being necessary to the security of a free state, the right of the people to keep and bear arms, shall not be infringed.


Militias with arms are clearly protected by the Constitution. But without any arms (i.e. gun ban) how can one form a militia? Therefore Americans have the individual right to keep and bear arms in the event that they need to organize a military force.

Tuesday, March 25, 2008

Greener Grass

Why do people always want what they can't have? It seems like a recipe for misery for us to take for granted what we've got right in front of us. But it happens every day, and I've seen it personally, from both sides of the fence.

I wanted this girl, you see. She was all I wanted in the world, and I would have done anything for her. But she did not want me. Of course this only led me to work harder for her affections, which became ever more elusive. By the end I was a broken man, and I told her I was finished with her bullshit.

Ah, and then, when she could no longer have me, the change was dramatic. I completely stopped calling her. She started calling me several times a day, wanting to know what I was doing, who I was hanging out with, and if I would be interested in a roll in the hay. I could not help but comply a few times (she is beautiful, after all), but I know that it is not good for my well being in the long run.

So now I am trying to really cut it off. For good. Unfortunately the harder I push her away, the harder she tries to win me back. Steve's advice for me to stay resolved echoes in my head, only to be drowned out by her pleas for my attention. Alas, it is a difficult situation, but I know hers to be worse (what a dreadful experience).

For my long term mental health I know I must Stay Resolved to push her out of my life. But love is a funny thing. It makes you do stupid, self-destructive things, even when your intellect knows better. I guess it's proof that all this "rationality" we humans are supposedly imbued with is a crock. It took months of pain and anguish to cool the flames of my affection enough for me to let her go. But the flame still burns, diminished though it is, and continues to push me in dangerous directions.

I know that there can be no more with this girl, but getting her to see that is quite difficult. Wish me luck.

Thursday, March 20, 2008

I Guess You'll Do

If this doesn't make you want a relationship, nothing will.

Wednesday, March 19, 2008

ZeroPunctuation

Yahtzee reviews Turok:




So I basically love this guy, he does some of most awesome game reviews I've ever seen. And by awesome I mean hilarious.

Obama's Race Speech - by Barack Obama

Yesterday Barack Obama delivered one of the finest speeches in decades. Pundits across the political spectrum have praised him for his honest, straightforward discussion of race and how it continues to influence our society. Well, it turns out Barack's latest rhetorical victory was written by none other than Barack Obama -- and no one else.

Obama was responding to criticism thrown at him as the result of some highly controversial comments made by Reverend Jeremiah Wright, Obama's pastor. Of course the fact that this is even an issue speaks to the depth of racial tension still present in this nation. Obama has never said anything approaching the black separatist or conspiracy theory comments made by Rev. Wright, yet he is considered guilty by association. I am sure there are some controversial pastors in George W.'s past (and probably other presidents), but they were never held up as evidence against him. I believe the racially charged nature of this issue is the driving force--were Obama and Wright both white, this would be a non-issue and dismissed quickly. However, because Wright is black, and his statements still bear anger towards the white man, his comments are blown out of proportion and used to attack Obama, which is blatantly unfair.

Obama did a masterful job in attempting to defuse the situation. He did not shy away from this difficult issue of race, but faced it head on. He talked very frankly, yet with grace and nuance, in a way that no one could really disagree with. He truly understands the issue, and how Americans view it. This is why I think he will make an excellent president.

Oh, and he wrote the whole thing by himself.

Tuesday, March 18, 2008

The Right to Bear Arms

The latest Supreme Court debate on the Second Amendment centers around the constitutionality of Washington, D.C.'s gun ban which was put in place ostensibly to reduce D.C.'s notorious gun violence. It has failed miserably. Guns can easily be purchased in neighboring Virginia or Maryland and brought in by those who A.) wish to protect themselves or B.) those who wish to make trouble. And which group do you think will be more likely to break the gun ban?



Don't get me wrong, I would love it if we could live in a society completely free of gun violence so there would be no need to have them for self defense. But with nearly as many guns as citizens, America, gun control supporters must realize that no matter how man restrictive laws are passed, people will always have guns in this country. The NRA has made it cliche, but if you take guns away from law abiding citizens, then only outlaws will have them.





Oh, and I almost forgot, our right to own firearms is guaranteed by the Constitution:


"A well regulated militia being necessary to the security of a free State, the right of the People to keep and bear arms shall not be infringed."



And I found this cartoon that is, like, totally right wing gun loving, but whatever:


Wednesday, March 5, 2008

A Clean Break

Ha. It is enormously difficult to let you go, but you have left me no choice. I tried for months to earn back the trust I had lost, to show you my love ran deep into the core of my being. And it did... it still does. Because of my love for you, I accepted you treating me poorly. I chalked it up to your anger, your distrust. And partially I was right. But it ran deeper than that. You treated me horribly, and had no regrets about it. I know I could never have treated you that way, even if I was angry, even if you had lost my trust. Which you eventually did. And I still treated you much better than I was treated.


When two people love each other, need each other, and want to be together, they find a way to forgive each other. Even when it is hard to forgive this person who has hurt you, it is still much better than the alternative of being without this person. Even after being hurt by you repeatedly, I still could have found a way to forgive you if I had seen you were truly sorry and were going to make fundamental changes to the way you treated me. But you were not, and could not do those things.


When two people are in a relationship, they make each other feel special. You used to make me feel very special, like I was all that mattered to you in the world. And it was wonderful. From what you tell me, I did not make you feel that way, at least not enough. And I could have tried harder. Once it became clear to me that I needed to try harder, I did. I tried harder than I ever have, took more shit than I deserved, but it was not enough for you. Something had broken, had changed inside you so that I was no longer necessary. You no longer made me feel special. You had no problem grinding my heart into the ground, while I begged and pleaded that you stop. I know now that you would continue to do that.


I miss you. I will always remember our time together. Most of it was awesome, the most awesome part of my life so far. We were planning our wedding. We were looking forward to our life together, talking about houses and kids. Then came the worst period of my life, as we were falling apart. So thanks for the experience, I learned a great deal that I will carry with me for the rest of my life. I'm glad I got out now before you really fucked me over, because I felt like that was just over the horizon.


And now I can begin to heal. It will take some time, but with the help of my friends and family I know that I will be a stronger, better person by the end of it.


We tried...just never at the same time. And now the saga is over.


You will always have a place in my heart. Just not the place I wanted you to have. Goodbye Nena.