Saturday, May 16, 2009

Day Off

Don't you love it when you get to work and realize you don't have to be there? I mean, besides the annoyance of getting ready for work, it's pretty damn sweet. Well that happened to me today.

It's pretty wonderful to be off today, as I was just thinking I would love a real weekend. And now I've got it. What is a boy to do?

Friday, May 15, 2009

Last Night

Last night sucked but it got better as it went on.

I worked at Duke all day, tired and sucking down coffee. At 5 I drove to Champps to wait tables. I was expecting to work with Katlyn that night, which was nice because I missed her.

Well we got in a fight because some people found another server to cover for her and took her to a Durham Bulls baseball game, and I got to work. So I was pretty pissed to start the night.

My first table was a party, a family of 12 (3 generations). I knew they were going to be a pain before I even walked up to the table. It took them several minutes to just sit down, and they told the hostess that it was the kid's birthday and they wanted the dessert with the song.

Speaking of The Birthday Song: If you ever go to a restaurant and it is yours or someone in your party's birthday, keep it to yourself goddammit. Besides being just a general pain in the ass, singing the birthday song is the most degrading part of serving. We already have to pretend we give a shit about you and your dinner, and now I have to pretend like I care if it's your birthday? Care so much I got you a sundae and my coworkers to sing you a retarded song? Not to mention the fucks who think it's just funny to get us to sing to their non-birthday friends? Or the motherfuckers who just want a free desert? FUCK YOU ALL.

Anyhow, back to last night. One lady (mom?) had a video camera and felt it necessary to video tape everyone individually before she would sit the fuck down. So I go to get drink orders, and the first lady I ask want's an unsweetened tea, with oranges and cherries in it, and some strawberries if we've got them. And her husband wants one too. And I'm thinking if you want a fucking fruit salad then just ask for one and quit trying to get free fruit. But the great server that I am I say "of course." This woman would continue to bug the shit out of me trying to get stuff for her husband. Poor guy. Perfect mommy complex though.

Going down the line. Another guy orders a Blue Moon. With 2 oranges. OK I'm becoming enraged now, but keeping my outward cool. What's that? Where's the spicy stuff? You're from Arizona and are used to spicy food? Well tough shit my friend, this is North Carolina and you'll get what we've got.

Then while I was passing out the drinks, a lady asks me for some crackers. Look bitch, if you're hungry, order an appetizer and quit trying to get free crackers.

Only one person in the whole damn party was halfway decent. Probably an ex-server, you can usually tell, as she said nicely "Oh, can I get a Diet Coke, just whenever you get a minute." I of course got it for her within 10 seconds.

ProTip: if you want great service at a restaurant, BE NICE TO YOUR SERVER. They are busy and tired of catering to idiots, so if you are really polite with them they will appreciate it immensely. A person who is a dick to their server for no reason is the lowest form of human.
Anyhow, this table is pissing me off, but I'm already visualizing the auto-18% on their bill, as a few others got mixed drinks as well.

Continuously, the whole time they were there, this table was needy as fuck. They were sitting near the food window, so every time food came up this one asshole who was drinking frozen strawberry margaritas (gay as hell, right?) kept giving me this look like "Hey peon, why aren't you getting my food?" THAT'S NOT YOUR FOOD YOU STUPID FUCK, I KNOW HOW TO DO MY JOB. But I continued to give these jerks the best service possible, and ran their complicated, spec'd out food to them as soon as it came up.

And then, as I'm handing out plates of food, I hear strawberry margarita talking about "Temple." Fuck, Jewish? You guys are not helping your image as a race.

Previous to last night, I never had an opinion on the Jews. I work with one (non-religious) at Duke, and she's alright, just normal female daddy issues bitch crazy. But these people, Christ. Annoying as all hell, you better believe I remembered to add that gratuity. These people were almost as bad as black folk. And now I don't like Jewish people, thanks to that family of idiots.

Luckily the night improved as it went on. The only way it could have gotten worse is if I had a party of black teenage girls. These I have found to be the worst. Black females in general are bad, especially the fat ones, but the younger ones try hitting on me, which wastes loads of my time and patience. But this didn't happen, so my night improved steadily.

The Hurricanes won Game 7 against the Bruins in overtime. What a game. I could have left work an hour before I did, but I was too busy watching the game to clean the side station.

I wrote a lot more than I set out to, but I really had to get that off my chest. Be nice to your server, tip well if they did a good job, don't ask for a bunch of free shit. Do that and no one will stick their dick in your drink.

Friday News Roundup

It's another Friday, which means I feel compelled to spout some BS into the great abyss we call the Internets.

I'll probably do a few more today, but this post is just random bullshit.

I bought Peggle again, this time for the iPhone. I looked for it in the AppStore a few weeks ago and couldn't believe it wasn't there; apparently it just came out a few days ago.

If you've never played Peggle, well, I'm sorry. It's digital crack in the form of simulated balls you shoot to hit pegs. Super simple, super fun, super addicting. And now on my phone.

Carolla had a funny podcast today. He was interviewing a congressman and his wife from Ohio. The wife had mental health issues, one kid was in rehab, one killed small animals, the congressman had a couple weeks in France where he went gay, then came back for gay counseling, he and his wife had never consumated their marraige due to her vaginal problem (too tight to get a penis in, kid was from artificial insemination).

It turns out the whole thing was a parody, but damn if it wasn't a believeable at first. I mean, would he really be the first fucked up repressed gay elected official who railed against gays, and was all about the traditional family even though his was totally fucked?

Anyhow, check out the Adam Carolla podcast, I can't wait to see Star Trek in IMAX on Monday. That movie was effing sweet.

Friday, May 1, 2009


You know how some people feel like their lives lack direction? Well that's not me. I know which direction I want to go (I think) but I simply lack the motivation to move in that direction. Which is probably because I smoke too much mary jane, but that's my burden.

I want to go to law school. This much I am certain of. Ninety percent certain of. I'm one hundred percent sure I want to stop working in brain imaging, that shit is played out. I'm ninety-five percent certain I want to find a job working in a law office. And I'm one hundred percent sure I love writing, so I want to incorporate that in whatever I do. 

I enjoy law. I like the concept and practice of it in this country. It is a great arena for ideas to compete, for debate, argument, which I love. Also, it is essential to understand the game if I am to have any chance at changing it, which I am committed to doing. This country is being hurt by an oversized government, but don't get me started on that.

I am also supremely interested in journalism. I feel like people forget the power of journalism, and how it affects government and legislation. Journalists control the megaphone through which information is passed to the general public, and the framing new information in a certain way has a huge effect on how the public reacts. 

So yeah, I've got direction. I just need gasoline.

Adam Carolla Podcast

I've been listening to Adam Carolla's podcast religiously. I watched the Man Show in the past, but was never a huge fan, but I must say this guy can put on an excellent podcast. He has a new show almost every day, he usually interviews some interesting celebrity or creative person, and they talk about anything and everything. 

For instance, today they put out an interview with Joe Rogan, one of the most interesting and candid celebrities around. He and Adam talked philosophy, psychedelics (Rogan's favorite topic), the entertainment industry, and just random BS (something Carolla excels at). This guy can go on a rant about anything under the sun and be interesting and engaging. Which you wouldn't think because he just seems like an annoying asshole, but he's actually just a very entertaining asshole.

My days would be darker and longer without this podcast to listen to.

Good Question

Sometimes I wonder why I post to this blog. I don't think anyone actually reads it, but I do it anyways. I guess it's like a journal or something for me. Which is cool because I really enjoy writing sometimes. It would be nice if someone read it, but hey, maybe I'm not that interesting. Just kidding, I'm awesome, people just don't know it yet. I need to more self promotion in every facet of my life. It's tough for me though, because I don't want to be a douche. but I guess it's better to be a respected douche than a disrespected nice guy, yeah?

Twitter and Friday and Golf

It's Friday again (thank god) and I felt like posting. I haven't written here in a while, I've been posting on enableate occasionally, but mostly Twittering.

Today started off a little rocky. Katlyn made sausage and hashbrowns for breakfast, which was awesome, but on my way to work I had a little accident. I was in my car, literally a hundred yards from work, drinking coffee from my travel mug, which I had just washed this morning. Apparently I didn't rinse all the soap off the lid because my coffee was tasting a little more green appley than usual, so I attempted to take the lid off. In the process I spilled about half the cup on my shirt. Fuck. So I turned around, went home, got a new shirt, blah blah blah, I'm at work now.

The battery finally came for Katlyn's laptop (Pro Tip: do not order batteries directly from China, it might be cheaper, but it takes forever and their system is ghetto as hell. But at least it came.) So I'm connected downstairs. No excuse now for not updating my CV, yeah?

I'm considering seeing Wolverine tonight, but I think it's going to be shitty. So I am reluctant to drop $20 to see it on the big screen. I'd rather go bowling. Or just save the money for STAR TREK next week. God that's gonna be awesome.

Funny thing lately though, I've really wanted to play golf. I've never really played, but the game fascinates me, and it's easy physical activity. I'm going to get my grandpa's old clubs the next time I go home and go to the driving range. I can't wait.

Oh, and I wish I had a British accent. I listen to a lot of British people on podcasts, so I think I could passably fake one (i.e. pass in America, maybe not in the UK).

Happy Friday everybody.