Friday, May 15, 2009

Last Night

Last night sucked but it got better as it went on.

I worked at Duke all day, tired and sucking down coffee. At 5 I drove to Champps to wait tables. I was expecting to work with Katlyn that night, which was nice because I missed her.

Well we got in a fight because some people found another server to cover for her and took her to a Durham Bulls baseball game, and I got to work. So I was pretty pissed to start the night.

My first table was a party, a family of 12 (3 generations). I knew they were going to be a pain before I even walked up to the table. It took them several minutes to just sit down, and they told the hostess that it was the kid's birthday and they wanted the dessert with the song.

Speaking of The Birthday Song: If you ever go to a restaurant and it is yours or someone in your party's birthday, keep it to yourself goddammit. Besides being just a general pain in the ass, singing the birthday song is the most degrading part of serving. We already have to pretend we give a shit about you and your dinner, and now I have to pretend like I care if it's your birthday? Care so much I got you a sundae and my coworkers to sing you a retarded song? Not to mention the fucks who think it's just funny to get us to sing to their non-birthday friends? Or the motherfuckers who just want a free desert? FUCK YOU ALL.

Anyhow, back to last night. One lady (mom?) had a video camera and felt it necessary to video tape everyone individually before she would sit the fuck down. So I go to get drink orders, and the first lady I ask want's an unsweetened tea, with oranges and cherries in it, and some strawberries if we've got them. And her husband wants one too. And I'm thinking if you want a fucking fruit salad then just ask for one and quit trying to get free fruit. But the great server that I am I say "of course." This woman would continue to bug the shit out of me trying to get stuff for her husband. Poor guy. Perfect mommy complex though.

Going down the line. Another guy orders a Blue Moon. With 2 oranges. OK I'm becoming enraged now, but keeping my outward cool. What's that? Where's the spicy stuff? You're from Arizona and are used to spicy food? Well tough shit my friend, this is North Carolina and you'll get what we've got.

Then while I was passing out the drinks, a lady asks me for some crackers. Look bitch, if you're hungry, order an appetizer and quit trying to get free crackers.

Only one person in the whole damn party was halfway decent. Probably an ex-server, you can usually tell, as she said nicely "Oh, can I get a Diet Coke, just whenever you get a minute." I of course got it for her within 10 seconds.

ProTip: if you want great service at a restaurant, BE NICE TO YOUR SERVER. They are busy and tired of catering to idiots, so if you are really polite with them they will appreciate it immensely. A person who is a dick to their server for no reason is the lowest form of human.
Anyhow, this table is pissing me off, but I'm already visualizing the auto-18% on their bill, as a few others got mixed drinks as well.

Continuously, the whole time they were there, this table was needy as fuck. They were sitting near the food window, so every time food came up this one asshole who was drinking frozen strawberry margaritas (gay as hell, right?) kept giving me this look like "Hey peon, why aren't you getting my food?" THAT'S NOT YOUR FOOD YOU STUPID FUCK, I KNOW HOW TO DO MY JOB. But I continued to give these jerks the best service possible, and ran their complicated, spec'd out food to them as soon as it came up.

And then, as I'm handing out plates of food, I hear strawberry margarita talking about "Temple." Fuck, Jewish? You guys are not helping your image as a race.

Previous to last night, I never had an opinion on the Jews. I work with one (non-religious) at Duke, and she's alright, just normal female daddy issues bitch crazy. But these people, Christ. Annoying as all hell, you better believe I remembered to add that gratuity. These people were almost as bad as black folk. And now I don't like Jewish people, thanks to that family of idiots.

Luckily the night improved as it went on. The only way it could have gotten worse is if I had a party of black teenage girls. These I have found to be the worst. Black females in general are bad, especially the fat ones, but the younger ones try hitting on me, which wastes loads of my time and patience. But this didn't happen, so my night improved steadily.

The Hurricanes won Game 7 against the Bruins in overtime. What a game. I could have left work an hour before I did, but I was too busy watching the game to clean the side station.

I wrote a lot more than I set out to, but I really had to get that off my chest. Be nice to your server, tip well if they did a good job, don't ask for a bunch of free shit. Do that and no one will stick their dick in your drink.

No comments: