Monday, August 30, 2010

Fuck My Life

I just wrote a long introspective post on my iPhone, which then disappeared into the ether when I tried to post it. Thank you goddamn shitty ass barnes and noble AT&T wireless shit fuck.

Mother fuck my life.

Ah well, those emotions are lost to the ether. I'm glad I wrote it out. But i would have liked to have a motherfucking record of it. Piece of shit.

Oh well, my misery is a never ending well, so I'm sure I will revisit the topic of my self hatred soon.

Friday, August 27, 2010


I just witnessed a little girl learn to ride her first bike. It was adorable.

I was taking my dog for a walk. He peed like a gallon.

I beat my girlfriend with a chopstick. She was askin for it.

I wanted to say,'I abuse my girlfriend with a choptstick,' but I didn't mean it like that.

I guess what I'm trying to say is,

Happy Friday, everybody.

- Posted using mothafuckin BlogPress from my iPhone, bitches

Location:At home

Thursday, August 26, 2010

The Way Back Machine - Three Years Ago

I just reread some of the things I wrote when I was breaking up with Nena.

God damn I was pathetic. Promise you’ll shoot me and remove my balls if I ever act like that again.

It’s no wonder she left me. I was a hollow husk of a man. Of course much of that was her doing. Stupid cunt.

And I don’t say that lightly.

She was a drag on my soul. I loved her, but she could never really love me. I learned this far too late in the game.

Luckily I learned a few things from dealing with her.

1. Women who act crazy ARE crazy.
2. Don’t be with someone who doesn’t respect you.
3. If a relationship makes you miserable, it is dysfunctional and should be fixed or ended ASAP.
4. Daddy issues are very real. Face them at your peril.
5. A relationship should make you happy.
6. Trust must be earned.

I learned a lot of other things too, but these were the easiest to write down. Many of the things I learned were just alterations in my social perceptions. I lost my innocence, if you will, and began to see the world of relationships without rose colored glasses. It’s quite funny, that is when it isn’t tragic.

I also came away from that relationship with (more) trust issues. It was very hard for me to trust women, which caused some friction with Katlyn, my current girlfriend. But she has been understanding and good to me, and has allowed me to heal. I’m getting better. But the stain Nena left on my heart will probably be there forever.

So it is, and so it shall be.

Tuesday, August 17, 2010

It's the end of the world

And I know it. The Mayans had it right, 2012 is going to be the end of humanity. Fortunately, it will also be the beginning of a new era in human civilization. We'll bring light to dark and life to death.

W e  w i l l  s u r v i v e.

So whoopee. Too bad I'm grouchy as hell. I was happy when I figured it out but I fell back into a bit of a funk. Which is why I'm writing this again. I think I underutilized it before.

See me criticize myself?

Got in a fight with Katlyn last night WHOOPS. Phone, text message, bar regular, thanks for lunch. I got grumpy. She got loud. We got to fightin. It was ok though. I had to leave for a bit then come back, but once we'd had a chance too cool down we were fine. I love you. Kiss.

Anyhow, I get my car back tomorrow. Four hundred some odd dollars for repairs to the engine and such. Too much. Ah well, I hope it works. I wish I knew cars. I might sell my Nissan and get a Honda.

I should have gotten the Honda. What was I thinking? Stupid, thinking with my metaphorical penis.

Ok, Katlyn's passed out. I'm gonna play some Fallout 3 then hit the hay. Gotta lotta nothin to do tomorrow.

Friday, August 13, 2010

Couch Surfing

Featuring Me and Luda

Thursday, August 5, 2010

Fight Fire With Fire

I am the tortured artist at the center of my own shithole universe.

And I am angry.

I am the complaining child who's parents never hugged him enough.

And I am sad.

I am the good looking loser who can't get out of his own way.

And I am lonely.

I wear my heart on my sleeve and my sleeve in your face.

And I hate you all.

I could try to make you see your own stupidity.

I could try to make you pay.

I could leave you all alone.

And die in a gutter somewhere.

But I can't. Because I'm angry.

Because this rage inside is seething to get out.

Or in, when it has nowhere else to go.

These words are meaningless.

Swept up in the winds of time.

Spread thin across the land.

Until not even a worm could taste them.

And I am angry.

I pour myself into myself.

Because I was taught to shut up.

Don't complain.

Don't ask.

Don't want.

Because you won't get.

This lesson I drew from my childhood.

Breaks my heart.

That young spirit, that tiny flame,

Doused before it could burn anything.

You're welcome.

I'll be your good little boy.

I'll be your quiet little mouse.

I'll say thank you, and please.

I'll burn inside forever.

Hope is an illusion.

That I use to get through the day.

The end is far.

Too far.

Let me bring it closer.

Let me drown myself in booze.

Let me burn myself with weed.

Let me do what I should not do.

Just to get away.


Pass these words along.

May they save some other soul.

Because it's too late for me.