Thursday, August 26, 2010

The Way Back Machine - Three Years Ago

I just reread some of the things I wrote when I was breaking up with Nena.

God damn I was pathetic. Promise you’ll shoot me and remove my balls if I ever act like that again.

It’s no wonder she left me. I was a hollow husk of a man. Of course much of that was her doing. Stupid cunt.

And I don’t say that lightly.

She was a drag on my soul. I loved her, but she could never really love me. I learned this far too late in the game.

Luckily I learned a few things from dealing with her.

1. Women who act crazy ARE crazy.
2. Don’t be with someone who doesn’t respect you.
3. If a relationship makes you miserable, it is dysfunctional and should be fixed or ended ASAP.
4. Daddy issues are very real. Face them at your peril.
5. A relationship should make you happy.
6. Trust must be earned.

I learned a lot of other things too, but these were the easiest to write down. Many of the things I learned were just alterations in my social perceptions. I lost my innocence, if you will, and began to see the world of relationships without rose colored glasses. It’s quite funny, that is when it isn’t tragic.

I also came away from that relationship with (more) trust issues. It was very hard for me to trust women, which caused some friction with Katlyn, my current girlfriend. But she has been understanding and good to me, and has allowed me to heal. I’m getting better. But the stain Nena left on my heart will probably be there forever.

So it is, and so it shall be.


Robbie said...

Boy do I remember that time for SO many reasons. I went through the same thing a couple months later with Katie, never paid attention to all the warning signs... and then there was that guy I lived with who seemed to be responsible for it all... awkward Halloweens. I lost respect for a lot of people and realized why I always liked you so much.

Michael said...

Ah, the stupidity of youth.