Friday, August 3, 2012

What's this? A post, silly.

I come from a family of grinders. We work hard, keep our heads down, and grind it out. Enjoyment and happiness are immaterial. Our work is a grind, our play is a grind, our life is a, you guessed it, grind. And we grind until we are ground down to a nub. And then we decide to start living.

My parents instilled this idea into me at a young age. Grind, do your homework. Grind, do your chores. Grind, you will have to go to college, so that you can get a job like us and grind it out. Because you will not enjoy it. But you must grind in school so that you can continue grinding at a job for the rest of your life. They never stopped to think about the actual consequences of their teachings.

Or the logic.

Why should any sane person want to grind for the sake of grinding, for the opportunity to grind some more? When does the grind end? To my parents, never. Though my mom appears to be seeing some daylight.

Lucky bitch.

I am still stuck in the grind mentality. Even though I do not work as hard or as focused as others in my family (my over achieving brother for one) I still feel everything as a grind.

Even when I have some free time to myself, I still feel the need to grind, or feel guilt for not grinding hard enough.

But I sit here writing, grinding, hoping that this grind might not be such a grind after all. Sure, sometimes you have to grind the words out. But often you are rewarded with a sense of accomplishment, a deeper understanding of yourself, and an increase in writing skill. So that maybe, one day, I won’t be grinding anymore. I’ll be working, but drawing some enjoyment from it because I’m doing something fun, interesting, and creative.

What should I do now? My Grind Mind is telling me to exercise, to work out. I just purchased a kettlebell to do just this. And I will. Because even the Grind Mind is right once in a while. Physical fitness is a positive attribute.

So I learn to focus the grinder at things that I won’t enjoy, just so I can get through them, and they in turn will give me strength to do things my true self wants.

My brother may have learned this lesson early on, but it has taken me some time. I imagine I will keep learning, but for now this will keep me going. Thank you great spirit of the universe, for opening my eyes, albeit slowly.

Now get out there and grind.

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